Nature Find of the Week

I wish I had had my camera with me this morning, but I'm not in the habit of taking the camera with me to work in the garden. I went out to the barn to get my gardening gloves so that I could pull weeds before the kids got up, and guess what I saw. All over the side of my barn there were teeny tiny praying mantids! I mean these were seriously small. They were smaller than the fingernail on my pinky. We have praying mantids all over our yard in the summer, and we've seen plenty of little ones, but these must have just hatched because they were the tiniest things I've ever seen! So freakin' cool!!!

Some Fun Questions

On one of my favorite e-mail lists, someone posted a few questions as a convo starter. I had so much fun answering that I thought I'd post my answers here too, especially since I'm not exactly coming up with new blog posts on my own lately!
These questions originally came from:
http://www.bzoink.com/S53948/

If you could rid the earth of one thing, what would it be?

child abusers, especially child molesters

If you could eliminate one emotion from your life, which would it be?

unnecessary guilt

What is one personality trait you've tried hardest to change in yourself?

Impatience. I feel like I'm very impatient, yet some of my friends think I'm uber-patient for some strange reason. Maybe because I've worked on it so much? I don't know. But my kids and husband can tell you otherwise!

What would you say is the most beautiful word in your own language?

YES!!

If you had the gift of magic for one day, what would you do?

Use a time-turning spell over and over and over. I could visit people who have died, right some of my wrongs, and relive some of the bestdays of my life so far.

If you were 6 inches tall for a day, what would you do?

Well, first I would raid my daughter's doll clothes because obviously nothing I own would fit and I'd be running around naked. Then I would sneak up on a bird and take it for a ride just to see what it's like. I would take up residence in the fairy house in the woods behind our house and take a nap on a bed of bird feathers and thistle down. I would sip flower nectar straight from the flower and dine on berries from a wee little acorn top bowl. Then I would go for a walk in the forest of grass in my yard (because it hasn't been mowed in two weeks). Of course I would have to steer clear of all the snake holes and spider webs. I should probably avoid the mud puddles too since I can't swim. And the cat. She doesn't see very well anymore and I don't want her to get me confused with a mouse. And I should probablyavoid the dog too since she's a better mouser than the cat. And we have hawks and owls, so I'd have to watch out for them too. And...hey...wait a minute...this isn't sounding like so much fun anymore!

Did you ever have an imaginary friend? How would you describe them?

I had lots of "fantasy friends" and they changed quite frequently. Some were stuffed animals that would come to life and some were completely imaginary. If I wanted to have a koala or a polar bear or an alien as a pet *poof* I had one! Others were people - both people I knew in real life and totally imaginary people. As I got a little older many of my imaginary friends were characters from favoritebooks. For instance, I remember going through a phase where I pretended that the big tree outside my bedroom window was the Faraway Tree (from the Enid Blyton books). All the characters from the book who lived in the tree were my friends. I visited every day and we would climb to the top of the tree to visit the different lands that were there. (Oddly enough, both of my kids do this too.) As I go tolder I began to use my imaginary world to work through things thatbothered me in real life. I would bring imaginary versions of real people into my fantasy world to make things go the way I wished theyhad, or I would practice how I wanted something to go if it hadn't happened yet. Heck, I guess I still do this to a certain extent!

If you could invent one new home appliance, what would it do?

Damn, how can you possibly beat Rosie from the Jetsons?
If I couldn't have Rosie then I guess I would either invent an automatic laundry machine that would sort, wash, dry, fold AND putaway the laundry.
Or I would just invent a robot that would do nothing but go aroundand pick up after my kids. That alone would give me so much more freetime!

Sheltering One's Child

This dreadful topic has come up in my life yet again...the idea that "sheltering" ones child is somehow a bad thing. Why is being a buffer between your child and the negative things that happen in the world so horrible? Saying that my children need to have he experience of dealing with bullies and negative peer pressure in order to learn about the "real world" makes about as much sense as saying they need to be handed a loaded gun to teach them that guns are dangerous. I wouldn't starve my children to teach them that the world is full of people who don't have enough food. I wouldn't throw them in the lake to teach them about drowning. I wouldn't let them play in traffic to teach them how dangerous cars are. Most parents would not *purposely* put their children in harms way in order to "teach them a valuable lesson", so why do so many parents think it is acceptable to purposely put children in situations where they are in danger of being teased, ridiculed, beaten up, or otherwise harmed by other children in order to teach them that the world has nasty, mean people in it? I just don't get it.

I'm a PARENT. It's MY JOB to protect my children from harm. To do otherwise would, under different circumstances, be considered neglectful or abusive. If one were to suggest that parents should put their children in situations where they were in danger of the same treatment from an adult, most parents would be outraged, and rightly so, but in the case of schoolyard behavior parents are willing to accept the potential harm to their child because it's "normal".

Just because most adults in our society managed to survive the kind of pressure and abuse that is so much a part of the school experience does not mean it's OKAY! People need to get over this idea that just because they were forced to endure something and "turned out okay" that that somehow makes it acceptable to continue forcing the next generation to endure the same thing. It's reprehensible.

Gratitude Moment

I'm having a gratitude moment - one of those times when I'm almost totally overwhelmed by this feeling of *THANKS* - and I needed to share it with someone. I don't having anyone here with me at the moment however, so I'll share it here.

I can usually pinpoint what starts a gratitude moment, but this time I think it was a combination of things - a touching story here, a sweet gesture from my child there, an unexpected display of affection from my husband. This time no one instant triggered it though. It just sort of...built up. It's especially strong this time too, perhaps because I have been very UNgrateful these last few weeks.

I've been having a "bad mom" phase. I feel like I'm failing at everything where my children are concerned. Logically, I know I'm not, but I *feel* like I am. I'm unhappy with the way I look. I've also been having a minor mid-life crisis, I think. I've just been so unsatisfied with my life, and that's not really normal for me. I find myself saying "I want" a lot lately. I want to go back to school but can't afford it. I want to travel in order to take some training, but I can't afford that either. I've considered getting a job but I can't figure out how I could possibly fit it in and not lose my sanity. Besides, I know a job wouldn't help with this problem anyway. I've just been in a funk and have had trouble pulling myself out of it.

Then suddenly, today, it was like the sun broke through the clouds and I felt this wave of *thankfulness* flow through me. Nothing in particular caused it. It just happened. Out of the blue...just like (snap) that. And it was beautiful!

It seems like there should be some ritual, some ceremony, or...something to mark an occasion like this, but I'm drawing a blank as to what such a ritual would look like. Maybe just noting it is ritual enough. Or perhaps I should say *acting on it* is ceremony enough. What better way is there to celebrate gratitude than by showing it?

I have no idea where I got this or who wrote it, but it is fitting, so I'll leave it here for someone else to find, just as I once found it.

Be Thankful

Be thankful that you don't already have everything you desire. If you did, what would there be to look forward to?

Be thankful when you don't know something, for it gives you the opportunity to learn.

Be thankful for the difficult times. During those times you grow.

Be thankful for your limitations, because they give you opportunities for improvement.

Be thankful for each new challenge, because it will build your strength and character.

Be thankful for your mistakes. They will teach you valuable lessons.

Be thankful when you're tired and weary, because it means you've made a difference.

It is easy to be thankful for the good things, but a life of rich fulfillment comes to those who are also thankful for the setbacks. GRATITUDE can turn a negative into a positive. Find a way to be thankful for your troubles and they can become your blessings.

~ Author Unknown ~

Our New Neighbors

We've been enjoying so many things about being in our "new" home these last couple of months, but one of our favorite things has been the wildlife. Many mornings when I get up, this is the first thing I see out the bathroom window. It may be difficult to see, but there are two deer standing in the small clearing in front of the barn. They are part of a herd of deer that comes through the area behind our house almost every morning. As a matter of fact, the very first morning after we moved in about 12 deer came sprinting and leaping through the field beside our house and passed *right* behind our house! It was beautiful! We also catch sight of lots of other critters like rabbits, groundhogs, foxes, hawks, owls and lots of water birds out this window as well. We even had a pair of pea fowl out there once! Wildlife viewing out the bathroom window is such a regular event at our house that we've started keeping binoculars on the windowsill. I can't help thinking about how odd keeping binoculars on our bathroom windowsill would be if we were living in town! LOL






This is the daily view from our downstairs kitchen and bathroom. It is so relaxing to stand at the sink doing dishes while watching "our" birds. We have a large collection of bird feeders and with the different environments immediately surrounding our house (woods, lake, field, meadow) we get a wide variety of birds. The day I took this, I must have taken at least a dozen shots in a row and each picture has a different type of bird in it - there were three types of woodpeckers, three types of sparrows, flickers, chickadees, nuthatches, titmice, wrens, doves, and more. We see at least 2 dozen types of birds on a daily basis, but cardinals are just so cheerful during this dreary part of the year that I knew they needed to be our "models". It's not unusual for someone to go into the kitchen for something and yell "everybody come here...quick!" We all know that that's the call that signals a new arrival to our backyard and we all come running to see who our new visitor is. We just love our new neighbors! (Too bad some of them are going to become a nuisance when the gardens get going.)

UWWG & Coming "Home"

Look at those beautiful, happy kiddos! I love those smiles SO MUCH!! I took this at the Unschoolers Winter Waterpark Gathering in Sandusky this past week, and this is the look that was on their faces the majority of the time we were there. We all enjoyed ourselves immensely, but it seems that I, in particular, was deeply moved by the experience.

What a mixture of emotions I'm feeling at the moment! I feel the need to talk about them and examine them to figure out what they mean, but I'm not even sure where to begin...with the feelings I associate with the UWWG seems most approprieat since it's fresh in my mind, although these feelings go back farther than that. Anyway...the UWWG...it was the first big unschoolers gathering that we've had the money to go to and I'll say right now that it was worth every penny! It's one thing to be on lists and forums with other unschoolers, but it's a totally different experience to be in a gathering of hundreds of them. TOTALLY different.

I have spent the last few years feeling very isolated much of the time, even with the awesome bunch of more traditional homeschoolers that surrounds me. My ideas about so many things, the way I try to respond to my children, the laid back lifestyle that we strive for...so much about us is just so foreign to most of the people I'm around most of the time. I feel like I'm speaking a different language more often than not and that I never REALLY get my point across. Words seem so inadequate most of the time. That separation between myself and the homeschoolers I've been around for years feels like it has just gotten bigger and bigger over the last few years. I think a lot of that has to do with the ages of our children and that the pendulum will swing back the other way to a certain extent as the kids get older, but for the last few years I've just felt so *separate*. I know a lot of that is my own perception however, and that there isn't really that big of a gap, I've just been *feeling* like there has been. I've also become very aware of the tension that develops within me when I'm around people who parent and/or homeschool more traditionally. It's almost unbearable at times and I have to physically separate myself from other people for a while to regain my balance. It's been difficult because I truly love these people and want them in my life, but I haven't been able to be around them *too much* for quite a while. I couldn't handle it. The tension would just overwhelm me and I would start to behave in ways that I didn't want to behave. Being an "empath" really sucks at times like that, when you're vulnerable and picking up on whatever stray energy happens to be floating by. Ick.

But at the Kalahari I didn't feel that way. The one night that we got to hang out in the lounge and just *BE* was perhaps my favorite time of the whole trip. While I obviously loved spending the time I did with my kids and husband in the waterpark and in our room, it was *THAT* time - the lounge time - that I will forever associate with this....awakening that I'm feeling. I keep trying to figure out what that awakening feeling is, exactly, and what it means, but I think that may take some time and lots of thought. The things that have been getting to me at other homeschool gatherings didn't get to me there, perhaps because I didn't see or hear go on there. That sense of tension, of people being at odds with one another, that is so prevalent in most places was almost totally absent there as well. I felt peaceful and at home in my own skin. It was sort of the same feeling that I've had at times in deep meditation, but my eyes were wide open. That feeling of being "at home" in my own skin seems to be at the heart of it all in some way.

But it goes much deeper than just the UWWG and being around other unschoolers. This feeling seems to be attached to our move into our house and to belly dancing and art and to the way I'm feeling about my body and the way I'm eating and to EVERYTHING. I honestly think I have hit some major turning point in my life - one of those ones that you don't see coming, it just sort of takes you by surprise. After spending so much of my life feeling at odds and out of synch in so many areas and feeling just plain STUCK, I suddenly find myself very much "in the flow" and "at home" in many of those same areas. For whatever reason, it all just seemed to come together while I was physically away from home in the middle of a bunch of strangers! I find that rather amusing! I feel at peace. I feel like I'm EXACTLY where I should be at EXACTLY the right time...a feeling I haven't felt this intensely in so many areas of my life in quite some time. As a matter of fact, I can't remember the last time I did feel this sense of "rightness" in so many areas at once. Maybe that's the word I'm looking for..."rightness". Yes...I think that's it. And "home". I feel at home, at peace...like everything is RIGHT, even with all of the "buts"...as in "but the house is a mess"...."but I don't have this or that or the other thing that I want". Even WITH all of that, everything feels RIGHT at this moment. All is right with my world.

We 've MOVED!!

It's been quite a while since we updated any of our blogs, but it's been for a very good reason. After six and a half years of work, we have FINALLY moved into our house! *whew* (wipes brow) There were times when I honestly did not think we would ever actually LIVE in this house. I worried that we'd run out of money before we could finish. Which we did - several times - but more money always came later. I also worried that our family wouldn't survive the stress. We did, though not totally unscathed. It's been a long a bumpy ride, but we made it.

We haven't finished all of the work yet and won't for some time, but we have at least "achieved occupancy" (said in the same tone of voice as NASA's "we have achieved lift off"). We've been mudding and taping, moving boxes, grouting tile, and on and on for the last few weeks. I've stayed up until 5 or 6 a.m. several time this week just trying to get this place in some sort of order...and we haven't even finished moving all of our stuff in yet. Our essentials are here, but the rest won't be here until tomorrow evening. As I type this I am sitting in an unfinished room that will soon be my office/studio surrounded by huge buckets of joint compound, bags of grout, piles of tools, and various pieces of furniture that haven't found a home yet. The beautiful new hickory laminate flooring we've been putting in is covered by newspaper, the carpet installation has been delayed because of the holidays, and my keyboard is sitting on a table that bumps my knees because the desk is still at the apartment until the truck comes tomorrow. But the kitchen is clean and functional, the cat has resumed her post on my lap, the birds are starting to visit the feeder outside the window, and the house is starting to feel like "home".